Lines

Jedidiah and I stood in the bathroom as I finished combing her hair before bed. She grabbed a couple of hair bands and attempted to do her own hair the way I had fixed it during the day, but really she just let the bands rest on top of her head. The thought came to mind of when she’ll be old enough to do her own hair. I thought back to when I started to do my own hair and it was some time in middle school. My heart felt a sense of anxiety as I thought of my little Jedidiah as a middle school aged girl. I looked into the mirror and thought, “what will I look like then? How old would I be? I can’t even remember my current age. How far away is that from now? Maybe not too far.” As these thoughts came across my mind I couldn’t help but examine my skin in the mirror and I began to take inventory of those little lines called wrinkles.

“Hmm, I don’t ever remember these on my face before. I do remember flawless smooth skin, but I guess I’m a little older now.”

Just after this thought more anxiety rushed to my heart but this time it was accompanied with sadness.

“Would Danny still think I’m pretty later on when there’s nothing I can do about my appearance? Will I even be pretty; especially after God knows how many babies I’m gonna have, what will he think? What will he think about my ‘lines’?”

You know I tend to think my thoughts get carried away majority of the time but I’ve come to realize this is just how women are. The key is to learn something along the journey of thoughts and not just let it be a wasted trip.

So now I’m a little sad because my mind has traveled far ahead of me to a place I’m not ready to live in. Oh but what interesting things come into my mind in just mere seconds.

I began to think about that word; lines, how many other “lines” are there in life? The first one I could think of is the annoying grocery lines at Wal-Mart. I mean it makes no sense to build 30 registers but only utilize 5 of them. Who thought that up anyway? Then there are the traffic lines you have to wait in with whining children in the car because you didn’t plan your morning quite right so now its lunch time and you’re stuck in traffic and they’re hungry! Then you get a bright idea to just buy something at a drive-thru when low and behold…yet another line. When I say ‘you’ I’m referring to me of course. I wouldn’t dare think any other mother goes through that.

Another form of lines popped in my head…crop lines! Yes I love crop lines! I don’t get to see many crop lines unless I’m headed to Killeen and the only time I can enjoy them is if I’m the passenger. It’s just neat to me to drive down a highway and see perfectly organized agriculture growing in a field in perfect lines. I’d love to visit a state that grows tons of agriculture just to drive through and see all the crop lines. Danny thinks I’m strange but I just like these lines; lines of organization so to say. Perhaps this is why I never became fond of Modern Dance and preferred; well fell in love, with Ballet. Ballet is all about the lines. It’s crisp, it’s clean and perfect. Modern, on the other hand, had too many shapes for me. Every choreography was about traveling your body through the space (floor or air) in some contorted shape…very disorganized in my opinion. Rarely did I see my pretty ballet lines in a modern choreography. And now yet another line has occurred to me…Jedidiah loves to line things up. She lines up toys, shoes, cards anything. Along with her very structured and independent behavior, I’d have to say she’s also going to be very organized like her mommy…she likes lines.

But what about other lines? At this point I’m telling myself “ok something’s gotta come out of this thought process.” Because of course, I don’t want to take a wasted trip.

The thoughts begin to sink a little deeper. How about lines that should never be crossed? Lines of boundaries? Lines that have been set in place for protection? Don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t hate others, don’t speed, don’t steal, respect your authorities, respect your parents, love one another, the list goes on and on. Ok so it’s not a literal line but metaphorically speaking, they’re still lines. Now this causes yet another thought, what about when people say “I’m drawing the line.” Hey it’s another line of life. People reach their limits and have to determine a point of breaking or point of no return so to speak. How about “my name is on the line?” I guess it’s different for everyone but then I think,

“What kind of lines have I drawn? What are my limits in friendships, with my children, my family members or my marriage? When has my name been on the line? What do my lines look like?”

And this is where the lesson begins to unfold for me. It’s amazing how God cares so much about us that He listens to all that we say and even think, and He just patiently waits for us to invite Him in the conversation to talk with us, teach us and comfort and encourage us.

“God I’m sure there are lines in the bible right? I mean now that I’m thinking about it you created lines. What about Your lines?”

And I began to think about the story when Jesus was drawing in the sand before a crowd of people who were ready to stone a woman. No one knows what He was drawing but many think it was a line. A line that indicated who would follow Him and who wouldn’t. Who would be humble enough to cross that line and leave everything else behind to follow Jesus and have life to the fullest? Then I thought of God’s law and His Grace that fulfilled that law. Though we don’t live by the law of the Old Testament any longer we are still required to live by a high standard. Though His grace and love covers us, He still draws a line; one that indicates utter and absolute darkness for those who dare to cross it.

Then God spoke so clearly, “I heard you thinking about the lines on your face. You became sad and anxious over what those lines would mature to look like. And I even heard all your thoughts after this before you even thought of them. Gently I guided you to this point, to show you a Line that runs much deeper than wrinkles and far longer than any annoying grocery line. A Line that cannot be revoked nor will it ever be moved. A Line I set in place long before I created the heavens and the earth. On this Line I placed your name and those of your children and your children’s children; so long as you acknowledge it and accept it. This Line is the blood of redemption and My Son’s name was on it!”

Through lesson often time comes rebuke but the Lord is so gracious and tender in His correction. He ended saying, “what’s important is the Blood Line in which you belong to. Don’t let anxiousness or sadness grip your heart when you think of the future. Be joyful always and remember that what’s also important is that you teach your children about the most important Line there is so that all your generations to come will partake in My Lineage.”

So here I am, at the end of my thought journey that seemed to transpire over an extended period of time, but in reality took place in just seconds. How quickly my mind can wander and jump from destination to destination. This trip could have landed me between the borders of Woe Is Me and Vanity Central but thank God for His loving kindness that He cared much about my trivial thoughts and took the time to teach me.

Jedidiah walks to her room, lies in her bed and asks to pray. Yes; that’s what I’d rather meditate on right now too.